specky the speculum is back at it again!

i began the adventure of womanhood as a fat, cornbread-eating, southern fried country girl from WV. somewhere around the age of 23, i shed my 100 lbs of comfort zone and discovered through other eyes that i was a beautiful young woman. as i had never had this power of a size 6 waist, complimented by my now high-boned cheeks and eyes of blue with ice-streaks, i set about on a mission. i was going to start livin'.

and live i have, somehow. i have found myself drunk in the back of a rock stars tour bus; bubble crushed between the formica edge of hotel hot tub and the thrust and rub of hot male ballerina; bent over backwards in a display of southern fried hospitality on a red clay GA day in a golden mini-van with someone else's man.

dirty deeds and fresh scabs feed on my insecurities, leading me on a mission of cultural tolerance in which the united nations have joined and reveled at the merriment of my now size 5 thighs. solved the mystery of interracial relations in the leather-clad back seat of a Mercedes Benz with my boyfriends best, black, and beautiful friend. had a panamanian cross my canal in a symbol of american solidarity. stumbled through the guerrilla hair-war fare of a colombians' chest during a midnight debauchery; reincarnated a hindu; broke the matza balls of mitzvah with a recovering jew; redefined the lotus position for a wayward buddhist; found tender fingers in a philly gRRl bar; unrolled the sushi of a japanese tourist, found myself moist in the niger delta of delicacies. and to what does all this blissful experience lead me?

scorn from those that know me and embellishment from those that love to hate me. is it jealousy? women, i ask you- why would you hate me? am i no more or less of a whore than every man we have each known before? i think it is high-time we take up the fight to enlighten the brains of gRRlhood friends on the fact that we, too, can enjoy life, love and sexual liberty. so tell me ladies, why is it that you would want to hate me?

after spending many nights pondering my luxurious freedom, my nimble body, my delighted mind, i have concluded simply that WOMEN ARE AFRAID TO EMBRACE THEIR SEXUALITY. ladies, my advice to you is to find a silent moment in your day. away from the humdrum of housework, careers and the children's robust, yet unnecessary tears and get in touch with yourself, intimately. explore your inner fantasy. dream when you know that no one is looking. master this, and then bring these dreams into your reality. grab that man (or woman) that you love and shove them into the submission you see in your fantasies. don't be afraid to interface an intergalactic equation of pleasurable persuasion between your brand new 400 count egyptian cotton sheets. scratch those perfectly manicured french-tipped nails down a foreign lovers back and cry out in ecstacy. its okay ladies! its okay to be free and enjoy sex, love, and your personal definition of libidinous liberty!

be alive and thrive with your wild sex drive. devour your lover. lust after him-her. thrust your hips with the freedom of seeing your inner soul be free. rewrite the tantra and call it "the story of him and me."

cavorting contortions of the cerebellum

j. derelickt


the words spill out of my pain regardless of the working knowledge of their definition or origin. on occassion, or in random instances of boredom or blockage, i will key into the electronic labryinth of the internet dictionary demigod a query of appropriation. today's word is: derelict, or as i have reconstructed it: derelickt. . . the following is the actual definition. my intellectual funny bone is tickled by the extreme accuracy of this word usage in application to myself.


der·e·lict
/'d?r?l?kt/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[der-uh-likt]

–adjective ..>..>..>..>

1.	left or deserted,as by the owner or guardian; abandoned: a derelict ship.

..>..>..>..>

2.	neglectful of duty; delinquent; negligent.

–noun ..>..>..>..>

3.	a person abandoned by society, esp. a person without a permanent home and means of support; vagrant; bum.

..>..>..>..>

4.	Nautical. a vessel abandoned in open water by its crew without any hope or intention of returning.

..>..>..>..>

5.	personal property abandoned or thrown away by the owner.

..>..>..>..>

6.	one guilty of neglect of duty.

..>..>..>..>

7.	Law. land left dry by a change of the water line.

---

[Origin: 1640–50; <>dérelictus forsaken (ptp. of dérelinquere), equiv. to dé- de- + relictus ptp. of relinquere to leave, abandon; see relinquish]

to quote myself:

' i carry the whispers of god in crushed cocktail napkins'

hmm.

am alliterations

am alliteration: sublingual tic-tacs of christ light love

god sub-lingually slipped me a transcendental tic-tac in my dreams-

-am alliterations-

hooded hipsters heralded golden cabs to heaven

thelonius' thugs thwarted thoughts of red-brick restitution-
the soul's journey is but an effortless flow in the urine stream of god-consciousness

saturated and soiled satin panties cling to chafed thighs with the blue birds songs of belief and buddha/ lusty larks lemony loud as the curtains of dawn are drawn/gods eye is open with the flagrant flaccidity of placidity from omnipotent serenity/ tongue trips over golden globules of rain as the brain swoons the nymphs of necrophilia/ the mouth is but a cantonese delicacy swathed in the baby-back ribs of lambs/ salt licks for dry lips in purgatory/pugnacious ramblings of a lost lamb-ling/symphonic mellow harmonics play back black beats of emblazoned angel wings/ golden grrls gather goose eggs between maiden legs and the soul is fertile/ verdant green of globalization riddles the innocent eyes with the persuasion of of a fat-back eating nation

sipping the rat-size rations of love from the golden glove and looking beyond and above to the ephemeral zen station of the stars/ blonde puppies swoon at the lemon wedge moon cascading on the velvet thighs of celestial disguise/ eyes wide and dreaming- subconscious streaming resplendent glitter of divine inspiration on rice-paper scrolls of redemption.